Monday, April 2, 2012

Welcome Back to The Fahm!

Since last Winter was so traumatic, Raj and I relocated for this Winter to Easthampton, MA, in a small, snug, spotless apartment within walking distance of three restaurants, two pubs, and an art store. Now that Spring has sprung though, it is time to go back out to The Fahm in the country, which we did yesterday only to discover that pipes all over the kitchen had ruptured, which then began to spew rusty dirty water everywhere as soon as Raj turned the valves back on.  Since the pipes are inside the cupboards where the plates and bowls and glasses and cups are kept, the rusty dirty water tainted each and every item therein, requiring that each and every plate, bowl, glass, and cup be removed and washed and the cupboards cleaned before the kitchen can be used at all, much less returned to anything resembling actual order.

Further complicating our workload, mice or flying squirrels or bats or something wintered very nicely downstairs, and spent their time eating decorative soaps, decorative fruit, and indecorous amounts of dried edamame while shitting on every single counter, both sinks, and in a few drawers. I thought that was as bad as it was going to get until I ventured upstairs to reclaim our bedroom only to discover a pile of feathers on the floor in the middle of the walk-through closet, and what is undeniably bird poop under each of the upstairs windows. We have so far not found a body so it may be that the outcome of whatever Wild Kingdom vignette took place up here wasn't as dire as it appears. Or, the remains could just as easily be hidden away in some dark and not-yet-examined corner, like an avian version of Arsenic and Old Lace. My money is on the latter.

Once again, Spring has arrived with the gleeful spewing of water and beshitting of surfaces that we here at The Fahm have come to know and love so well! In other news, the daffodils are in bloom and the tulips are almost ready...